19 May 2009

Almost Back to Work

My last day of FREEDOM is today. What to do? I have a to-do list a mile long, of all the things I should get done before I go back to work, of all the chores around the house that have been left undone, of all the the things I want to do... what should I do?

Tomorrow will be my first day back at work after my 10 week leave of absence. WOW! 10 weeks went fast! And what do I have to show for it?!
  • progress on quilts and knitting projects
  • a veggie garden that is starting to bloom (I have baby squash) - such a proud mama
  • a healthier, happier body that has been relatively flare free
  • an awesome support network of friends, family and doctors
  • and a body that needs to go on a diet (YIKES! Steroids are not good for the figure)
  • vacations to see family and friends
But the thought of going back tomorrow terrifies me. I know most of the people there. I guess the company has expanded with sales and marketing folks since I have left (and you know how those teams grow and multiply!). I am worried about how I look. My face is horrible! I haz the cheeks that can store nuts for a whole family of squirrels for an entire winter or two. Plus my face is so red. My face will calm down once I get off some of the extra drugs, but that will still be awhile. It is the one obvious way people can tell that I am not normal. It really bothers me. The rest of the weight gain (about 20 pounds) can easily be hid as long as I wear clothes that fit... must admit to weight gain and buy new clothes.... So not too worried about that.

The other thing that bothers me is what will people say to me? what will it be like to go back? what will I be working on? It is all those first day of school/work type jitters. I guess no matter how old one gets or how many new jobs, you never really get over those feelings. I also am worried that people will see me as less than whole. Like I can not do the job anymore. Which is totally not the case. I am completely fine! I can function as well as before. I just know I have a few boundaries that I need to work into my day, like no more forgetting to eat, making sure I get to bed every night at a decent hour, things like that. I hope people do not just see me for my illness but for me, the me that can function normally (well, as normally as any of us really function) as an adult. I mean, I am no longer getting stuck in places anymore! I can touch my toes, well sort of, as long as it is not one of those crazy yoga poses - but then again, I could never do that.

Today will start with a Costco trip and hopefully some fun will follow for my last day of freedom! For tomorrow is back to the normal working adult world.

1 comment:

  1. I felt similar on my last day before work. So much that I wanted to cram in on my last day of freedom! And I'm sorry about your frustration with the side effects of your meds...But at least now you have a healthy body, and as you continue to take good care of yourself, you'll look and feel better. And I bet that the people at work will be concerned about you because they care about you, but they aren't going to see you as sub-normal or anything.