Relief

Last week I fired my doctor. My rheumatologist whom I have been seeing for almost 10 years. It was a really hard decision, we had a relationship, it was like breaking up with someone. You know all their faults, all their blessings, why they are good for you, why they are bad for you; yet it is still difficult.

In this case, it should have been open and shut. I should have left years ago, but I could not. I could not waste the time to find a new doctor, I kept thinking I should give him one more chance, one more chance to change for the better. But he never did.

The major issues were:

1. I was treated as if I had the plague, he stayed across the room and never came near me
   
2. I had to remind him about health decisions he made about me in our last meeting, when he had his written notes in front of him
3. I was being lectured about health care reform and how he was going to go broke, etc because of it
4. and most importantly, any discussion regarding potential pregnancies was disregarded as null, since I am an unwed woman

See, open and shut. Why did I not run screaming sooner? Why did I stay? Especially, when I live in an area with choices of doctors? Comments of laziness, scaredness, worry of change all come up.

Now that it is done, I feel relief. And excitement. About what the next doctor will be like and how that will affect my health, my life.