What a crazy weekend! Between robots failing at work, trying to deal with all of this bizarre health news, not sleeping, and weird emotional turmoil that I am not typically used to. Plus being ripped off of all my meds to switch to a bunch of steroids, I have been a very unstable girl. I never really think of myself as unstable, but this past weekend has proved to me that I need a time out or at least part of me does.
After flipping out a bit at work on Saturday, I realized that I could not sit at work for 16 more hours when what I really needed was a day away from everything. A day to just be numb. It was very difficult for me to come to this decision, and prioritize me. But I did it. And maybe not in the best way, as I was completely irrational female by this point. I did call the person I have been working for and set some boundaries about work and stated that the data will not be generated on time, and that I was sick and needed a break, etc , etc. I wish to say I was strong and my rant was brief, but in all honesty, I do not remember much of the phone conversation nor much of Saturday. I am surprised that the work I did do on Saturday did not quite suck. And that the repercussions for not having the data in on time, are not that bad. I guess when you have instruments misbehaving people are understanding. Or maybe, just maybe, when you explain the limitations on the process, people are more understanding.
Whatever it is, I think I need to learn to set more appropriate boundaries. Boundaries that help make me a priority. So I started doing that a bit this weekend. I took a nap! And what a nap it was! And I watched great movies (ok bad movies, but I REALLY REALLY like bad movies) with great friends. And then I did nothing. A friend came over on Sunday and we did nothing but hang out and knit and watch a zombie flick and chat. And can I say my perfectly purply hands that have moments of going white and blue are perfect for zombie movies. Let us just say I know how they make zombie flesh, cuz I have it! And trust me, it is really not contagious (muahahaha or is it...) It really was perfect. No emotional outbursts, no overwhelming moments, no thoughts about "Oh God, what's next?!" or "What do I do now?!". I was calm and all was good.
Then the stress and worried thoughts came back in my sleep and I feel like I need a nap, but there is still so much to do. Today I apologized for my freak out call on saturday to the guy I am working with and without telling him what was going on, he understands and says work is work and you have to take care of yourself. And that set the tone for the day. Instead of stressing myself out more and searching out things on the internet, I made an appointment to see the doctor tomorrow and just ask all my questions face to face. And then make educated decisions about what the next steps are.
So it is a start. Establishing boundaries, making ME a priority and taking actions in order to make some really important decisions.